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Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Sweet Word~ Mama

In China, Jing was quick to say mama
and snuggle up with me at nap and night.
We made the long trip home and in a matter of days
were steered toward surgery and a week in the hospital.

I was able to hold her all the way to the OR door
and 'mama' was the word she moaned
when coming out of anesthesia but...
I was the one that had to stand by and
allow
the doctors and nurses to cut her, stick her, force meds,
crowd over her, wake her, take her ~ you get the picture...

Many would say~ you did what you had to do
and you would be right BUT
she's a little girl who spent the first years of her life
in an orphanage with no mama
to protect and love her NO MATTER WHAT
and was taken away from everything familiar
to be taken to a place full of BIG fears!
I was the one that was supposed to keep her safe now...
and I couldn't explain to her what was happening.
The only thing I could do was pray
and pray I did!
And YOUR prayers made all the difference as well!!!

All that to say~
when Jing moved to the Step Down Unit,
she didn't readily turn to me anymore for comfort
or want me to hold her all the time
like she had before the surgery.

She was kind of back to the same little girl
we took upstairs to our hotel room on JingJing Day~
scared and not secure in anything.
I don't think I heard her say mama
really anytime while we were in the hospital.

Even the last week that we have been home,
she hasn't said mama~ even when I showed her pictures.
She would just point to me.
She does say Baba and all the girls names readily. :)
So thankful for that!
I really think she was skeptical of me.

What does all this have to do with the pic below~
This is the girls' bed.
A trundle where Jing sleeps on the bottom
and I lay down with her every nap and bedtime.

Here they are last night sound asleep! :)


For the days since we have been home from the hospital,
Jing has wanted me to lay down with her
crying if I got up or she woke up to find me gone...
but when I tried to touch her or pat her or hold her~
she pushed my hand away.

I didn't worry too much about it
because I believed my persistence
and patience would win out in the end.
I also know how God waits for me to turn to Him
just the same.

Yesterday was one month since JingJing Day
and we had to take her for the follow up @ the hospital.
My stomach had butterflies the whole time
because she really didn't know what was going to happen.
She was all smiles when we got back into the car
and drove away!

And you know what?
All afternoon, she called me "Mama"
and held her arms to me saying "A ba"~ hold me
and hugged me tight,
AND when we got into bed last night,
she didn't turn away from me like she had done before,
she pulled herself right up to me close,
face to face,
her hand on my face and arm around my neck,
me breathing her breath,
and there is where she fell fast asleep.
In the arms of her mama~
the one that loved her for all times...
good and bad
and ALWAYS will!!!

Thank you Jesus!!!
I'm not saying we are all good
and there will be no more problems
because in all relationships there are ups and downs~
two steps forward and one step back.
I am secure in my calling to be a mom
and will do what God has called me to do with His help.

Psalms 33:1 NIV

Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise Him.


PS If you wonder why I write so much or post so much...
it is for a precious 21 year old that lives away
and doesn't spend as much time at home as she would like~
so it is for her I write and share my heart
and know one day she too will have a mother's heart~
probably even adoptive mom. :)
And this is my journal of sorts
where I record all that makes up our life.
One day, it will be what I look back on to remember "the good ole days." :)
Bless you all as you read~
May God bless you with ALL His blessing!!!


11 comments:

  1. Oh the struggles of adoption! Jing is very blessed to have a Mama who understands it and is patient and loving. It's so hard to know they are hurting and we can't do anything about it or explain it. But in the end, she realized that you love her and are always there for her!

    One blessing of Savannah being away...the rest of us get to know what's going on too! :)

    ~Lynn

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  2. Thank you for sharing your heart. I love reading and look forward to finding a post from you every day!

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  3. You have such a wonderful heart for adoption.
    I love that you can put your ego aside and know that in the end Jing will come to you for comfort.

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  4. Sharon!!!!! This is so beautiful! Praise God for the healing He is doing in her heart physically and emotionally!
    Shannon

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  5. I'm so happy she's feeling secure again. I hated taking my kids for shots; I can't imagine what it must have been like for you with all you've been through. I'm glad things are getting better.

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  6. I agree with the others. I can't imagine having to have done all that you guys had to do over the last few weeks, after JUST returning from China. So glad to hear that she is snuggling and calling you mama again. So glad! You are many steps toward normal in the A household!

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  7. This is precious. You don't have to explain your frequent blogging; my grandmother wrote in her diary every day of her life. This is just the modern version of keeping a diary. And I'm so glad you do and share it with people like me.

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  8. Beautiful post. I'm so glad she is beginning to trust you again. Persistence, patience and lots and lots of love is definitely the key!

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  9. This post is just so tender...I love that her heart is knitting together stronger and tighter with each passing day. And I also love that you blog as much as you do... wish I were still better about it, too!

    She is positively breath-taking, Sharon! I just love her sweet smile and lit-up eyes. Absolutely PRECIOUS!! I know you mentioned before that you were going to keep calling her Jing...are you sticking with it on paper, too? I think Jing fits her well... but I loved the name you chose, too, so it would be tough. She is absolutely stunning with either name, as they both fit the little beauty and treasure that she is!!

    Thanks for the scripture...love it! :)

    Oh, and did you sew that bedding set, too? You are SO talented, so I wouldn't be at all surprised... it is lovely!! :)

    God bless! <><
    ~ Tanya

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  10. Your journal is a blessing to me !! Such a precious family and you are such a inspiration to me !! I know it melted your heart to hear "mama" again. Praying that yall are settled in at home and JingJing can settle in to her new life without any unexpected upsets. May God cotinue to richly bless your family !

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